September 24th marked my one-year anniversary of being
commissioned into the religious order of Campus Crusade for Christ, and the
start of my Ministry Partner Development (MPD) journey! I had a six month plan to complete my team in April so I could go on a summer mission, and then gracefully move to Manhattan to
launch ministry. I am definitely "type A" when it comes to time management. After reflection and making a list of what this past year has looked like, I
can clearly see that my plan was not in sync with what the Lord had planned.
My plan never considered how the presidential election would cause the spirit of conversations at my appointments to turn… awkward. It never included all the extra hours of coursework I would have to do to report to my assignment. Struggling with depression for almost four months, asking 125 individuals for $12 a month with only one reply, family trauma and health issues were also nowhere in my goals for the year. In my head, if I sent letters, made phone calls, met with individuals, shared my vision, and asked for support, the Lord would provide 100% of my support in six months.
However, looking over my list of what happened this year, I see that the Lord was in all of
it. Just not the way I expected.
Conversations over the election gave me perspective on things I never knew about. Now I have a new detailed list of things to pray about and explore that I would of never thought about. The conversations I can now discuss with my students because of the election continuously grow the more I learn about politics and God's heart.
I have always disliked school. going to class, and homework. But all the work I have done for my seminary classes gave me passion to continue my education and pursue a masters degree. Working on my classes was something I looked forward to each day. Even reading, witch is something I have always struggled with. This new love for my education made me more confident in my calling to be a full-time missionary. When I report, I want to finish taking my classes and further my education!
Ministry Partner Development (MPD) is hard; Making phone call after phone call, leaving voice mail after voice mail. It is easy to develop a false identity that you are a burden to everyone you call, and therefore, everyone around you. Weather it was my ministry partners, friends, or family, that is how I saw myself, a burden. Realizing I was depressed made me seek professional help to get outside my own head. I had to stop seeing myself as a burden and remember how God sees me so that I can get back to who I really am. Seeking help also made me more intentional about seeking healthy supporting relationships. Dealing with depression I believe has made me learn to love in a differently. I feel more equipped to love a more diverse group of people than before.
That one person that replied to my $12 ask was the first person in my family to give monthly. They asked me if they could give four times the amount requested. Receiving that gift made a light for me to see in a dark period of MPD.
I do not come from a supportive background where everyone close to me knows, understands, and encourages me to pursue full time ministry, much less be financially supported by hundreds of "strangers". In fact, I have had someone within my immediate family yell at me and tell me he was ashamed that I worked for Cru. I have had someone in my family treat me like I should be locked up in the loony bin because I choose to share my faith. Lastly, I received an unexpected phone call from a relative who resonantly got out of prison after 17 years. This man sexually abused me as a toddler and the psychological effects from that moment have stayed with me my whole life. Knowing he was out of prison gave me so much stress that I was afraid to go to Wal-mart because I might run into him.
It is overwhelming to learn that within all the family trauma, and drama, God was there and he has a plan to use it for His good. The family trauma led me to move to Manhattan where I now feel safe, and can establish relationships with a new community. Living in Wichita became oppressive and hindered my ability to finish my ministry partner team. Witch meant that I could not reach the high school students in Manhattan. Now that I am in Manhattan and am encouraged by the work of the Lord in my life this past year, I look forward to what He is going to do not just in finishing my team, but how He is going to continue to allow me to grow.
Conversations over the election gave me perspective on things I never knew about. Now I have a new detailed list of things to pray about and explore that I would of never thought about. The conversations I can now discuss with my students because of the election continuously grow the more I learn about politics and God's heart.
I have always disliked school. going to class, and homework. But all the work I have done for my seminary classes gave me passion to continue my education and pursue a masters degree. Working on my classes was something I looked forward to each day. Even reading, witch is something I have always struggled with. This new love for my education made me more confident in my calling to be a full-time missionary. When I report, I want to finish taking my classes and further my education!
Ministry Partner Development (MPD) is hard; Making phone call after phone call, leaving voice mail after voice mail. It is easy to develop a false identity that you are a burden to everyone you call, and therefore, everyone around you. Weather it was my ministry partners, friends, or family, that is how I saw myself, a burden. Realizing I was depressed made me seek professional help to get outside my own head. I had to stop seeing myself as a burden and remember how God sees me so that I can get back to who I really am. Seeking help also made me more intentional about seeking healthy supporting relationships. Dealing with depression I believe has made me learn to love in a differently. I feel more equipped to love a more diverse group of people than before.
That one person that replied to my $12 ask was the first person in my family to give monthly. They asked me if they could give four times the amount requested. Receiving that gift made a light for me to see in a dark period of MPD.
I do not come from a supportive background where everyone close to me knows, understands, and encourages me to pursue full time ministry, much less be financially supported by hundreds of "strangers". In fact, I have had someone within my immediate family yell at me and tell me he was ashamed that I worked for Cru. I have had someone in my family treat me like I should be locked up in the loony bin because I choose to share my faith. Lastly, I received an unexpected phone call from a relative who resonantly got out of prison after 17 years. This man sexually abused me as a toddler and the psychological effects from that moment have stayed with me my whole life. Knowing he was out of prison gave me so much stress that I was afraid to go to Wal-mart because I might run into him.
It is overwhelming to learn that within all the family trauma, and drama, God was there and he has a plan to use it for His good. The family trauma led me to move to Manhattan where I now feel safe, and can establish relationships with a new community. Living in Wichita became oppressive and hindered my ability to finish my ministry partner team. Witch meant that I could not reach the high school students in Manhattan. Now that I am in Manhattan and am encouraged by the work of the Lord in my life this past year, I look forward to what He is going to do not just in finishing my team, but how He is going to continue to allow me to grow.
