April/May Video Update

Disclaimer:

I have never really videoed myself before. Sorry for the awkwardness and very blue tongue. 

Video 1: I am an Aunt!!!!

Video 2: Where am I with Support???

Video 3: What will I be doing this summer if I am fully supported???

Prayer Requests:
1. Pray for baby Gwyneth’s recovery and for my sister Michelle and brother in law Lucas as they continue to learn what is best for Gwyneth. Also, pray for some rest for them as well. They really need it.
2. Pray for March 20th as that is when I want to be fully supported by.
3. Pray for me as I look for the rest of my Ministry Partner team. I need a lot of energy, stamina, focus, and grace as my team finishes up.
4. Pray for safety for every student this summer
If you are raising a teenager, or know a teenager, pray specifically for them.
5. Pray for God to work in the lives of His people this summer.

The blessing of coworkers!

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Six days before Christmas I heard four gunshots outside my bedroom window. As the cops showed up, I watched them search my block. A few hours later I gave a report to an officer about the drive by (no one was hurt PRAISE GOD). In the morning, I had to make another call to report my room mates bike had been stolen. I remember hearing noises outside my front door that night after the shooting, but thought it was just the cops checking around the house (apparently not). The whole next week continued to build and became more intense with added anxiety, financial burdens, and family drama. There was no rest or pause time for me to sit and relax.

Every year, just days after Christmas, Cru has their annual Winter conference in nine different locations around the U.S. For the past nine years, I have gone to the one in Denver. As staff, I have to be there a day early to prepare and set up. I was in charge of recruiting for Cru's high school ministry. This meant I had a table in the lobby I had to be at most of the day and engage with interested students. I also had my own seminar to speak at, and I was in charge of contacting and meeting with students who expressed interest in high school ministry. As I thought about all the responsibilities put upon me and the packed schedule I would have, I became overwhelmed and emotionally shut down. 

The only thing I could do was check my email inbox that had about 50 message I needed to reply to. One of those emails was the high school team leader for Denver asking if I still needed help manning the table. I had completely forgot about asking for help almost two months earlier with this job. Reading this email made me very emotional as I read about how the team in Denver worked out a schedule to help man the table every evening. They had no idea what was going on in my life at that time. I quickly replied back saying YES, YES! Then proceeded to thank everyone profusely. 

Having that extra time in the evening was the one part of my day I did to have to rush and I was able to get dinner at a reasonable hour.  Every moment from the time I heard gunshots up until reading that email, had been filled with anxiety, stress, people, and one task after another. It was great to know that I would have time in each day of the conference to pause, reflect, and rest. Having help in the evening meant that I did not have to stress over texting all 83 students who were interested in high school ministry by myself each day!  God knew I needed to be at that conference not just to do my job, but to have time to process the previous week before returning home.

In the same email mentioned above, I was told that a few members of his team and some high school students would love to help out with my seminar! I began to feel my solders rising from their sockets as I literally felt the weight of the stress roll right off. This meant that I did not have to make an outline that had me talking for an entire hour! With the help of the other staff, and high school students, it took up time where I did not have to perform the whole time. It was also good for the college students  to hear first hand testimony from the high school students of why it is important to have a Cru movement in high school, and why adult leadership is important to them, and their walk with the Lord. 

God did not stop there! During the conference there was something called "Missions Marketplace." 700 college students went around to different tables to learn about different missions Cru offers. The High school ministry goes on lots of missions throughout the year and they are not just missions FOR high school students, but TO high school students. So college students can also apply for our missions! I got a table at this event and when I got there, every table but mine had at least two staff members at it ready for the stampede of college students. I felt very alone and again, overwhelmed. I did not think to ask for help for this event and started thinking of scenarios where I am talking to one student and another student walks up to the table mid conversation. What would I do? 

All of a sudden, a high school staff member from Nebraska comes into the room and has with him, staff member from Denver, two high school students, and a college volunteer. We had such a large group of people ready to engage with college students that we had to pull over another table to fit all of us. There were several times all of us were talking with students, encouraging them to sign up for more information. Every now and then I would have a break and look at the other people at the table and praise God for sending them to my rescue.  

I feel incredibly blessed to be a part of an organization that builds each other up and cares for coworkers in this way. I do not know what I would of done had the Lord not sent other staff members and students to help. I am at a better place emotionally and spiritually, because of the time they put into standing at the table in the lobby, talking to students at the Missions Marketplace, and helping at my seminar. Just as God provided people in my life at this conference, I have faith that he will provide people in my life to fill my ministry partner team, and get me on the field for full time ministry.

His Plan and His Timing

September 24^th marked my one-year anniversary of being commissioned into the religious order of Campus Crusade for Christ, and the start of my Ministry Partner Development (MPD) journey! I had a six month plan to complete my team in April so I could go on a summer mission, and then gracefully move to Manhattan to launch ministry. I am definitely "type A" when it comes to time management. After reflection and making a list of what this past year has looked like, I can clearly see that my plan was not in sync with what the Lord had planned. 

My plan never considered how the presidential election would cause the spirit of conversations at my appointments to turn… awkward. It never included all the extra hours of coursework I would have to do to report to my assignment. Struggling with depression for almost four months, asking 125 individuals for $12 a month with only one reply, family trauma and health issues were also nowhere in my goals for the year. In my head, if I sent letters, made phone calls, met with individuals, shared my vision, and asked for support, the Lord would provide 100% of my support in six months.

However, looking over my list of what happened this year, I see that the Lord was in all of it. Just not the way I expected. 

Conversations over the election gave me perspective on things I never knew about. Now I have a new detailed list of things to pray about and explore that I would of never thought about. The conversations I can now discuss with my students because of the election continuously grow the more I learn about politics and God's heart. 

I have always disliked school. going to class, and homework. But all the work I have done for my seminary classes gave me passion to continue my education and pursue a masters degree. Working on my classes was something I looked forward to each day. Even reading, witch is something I have always struggled with. This new love for my education made me more confident in my calling to be a  full-time missionary. When I report, I want to finish taking my classes and further my education!

Ministry Partner Development (MPD) is hard; Making phone call after phone call, leaving voice mail after voice mail. It is easy to develop a false identity that you are a burden to everyone you call, and therefore, everyone around you. Weather it was my ministry partners, friends, or family, that is how I saw myself, a burden. Realizing I was depressed made me seek professional help to get outside my own head. I had to stop seeing myself as a burden and remember how God sees me so that I can get back to who I really am. Seeking help also made me more intentional about seeking healthy supporting relationships. Dealing with depression I believe has made me learn to love in a differently. I feel more equipped to love a more diverse group of people than before.

That one person that replied to my $12 ask was the first person in my family to give monthly. They asked me if they could give four times the amount requested. Receiving that gift made a light for me to see in a dark period of MPD. 

I do not come from a supportive background where everyone close to me knows, understands, and encourages me to pursue full time ministry, much less be financially supported by hundreds of "strangers". In fact, I have had someone within my immediate family yell at me and tell me he was ashamed that I worked for Cru. I have had someone in my family treat me like I should be locked up in the loony bin because I choose to share my faith. Lastly, I received an unexpected phone call from a relative who resonantly got out of prison after 17 years. This man sexually abused me as a toddler and the psychological effects from that moment have stayed with me my whole life. Knowing he was out of prison gave me so much stress that I was afraid to go to Wal-mart because I might run into him. 

It is overwhelming to learn that within all the family trauma, and drama, God was there and he has a plan to use it for His good. The family trauma led me to move to Manhattan where I now feel safe, and can establish relationships with a new community. Living in Wichita became oppressive and hindered my ability to finish my ministry partner team. Witch meant that I could not reach the high school students in Manhattan. Now that I am in Manhattan and am encouraged by the work of the Lord in my life this past year, I look forward to what He is going to do not just in finishing my team, but how He is going to continue to allow me to grow. 

My four Part Commitment: Part 2

1. I commit to work diligently to touch the lives of people for Jesus Christ

2. I commit to regularly let you know how God is blessing the ministry

3. I commit to be financially faithful with the funds given for my ministry. 

4. I commit to share prayer concerns, and praises, with one another.

Approaching people and getting into unpredictable in-depth conversations about Christ, death, theology, life, and more isn't something everyone quickly runs to. Weather it is because we are afraid of where the conversation might go, how long it will last, or what it will do to the relationship we have with the person, being intentional when witnessing is hard. Every believer is called to it, I believe God has called me to it full time. I am one of those people that will get into a conversation with anyone almost anywhere. My mom says that I have never met a stranger. I was made for full time ministry. Conversation helps me personally grow in my faith more and more.

I consult the Lord on every step and in every situation. When I approach people, I always do so with their permission and follow whatever timeline it takes. Throughout the conversation, I ask questions about their life, faith, and understanding. This gives them time they most likely never had to verbally process things. When the Holy Spirit leads me I ask to share about my life and faith. I do not understand quite how it happens, but eventually a relationship is made and a safe space is formed.

I love it when people ask questions, or we end up opening up the Bible and searching for a clarifying answer. When a teenager understands a concept or I see them apply it to their life, it makes my work all that much more rewarding. I always want my time with them to be a conversation where, by the end, we are on the same page, or at least the same book . 

My ministry partners get a little taste of my diligence when I pursue them so I can share my ministry with them. Sometimes I pursue my ministry partners for five months before we can find a time to meet together. Even when we do get to meet, sometimes it takes a while before the both of us understand what I do. That is why I love questions! I believe the Lord brings people into my life for a reason. Each reason may be different than the other, but when it comes to ministry I have learned that it does not hurt to ask.

My Four Point Commitment: Part 1

When I share my ministry with my potential partners, I make a four-point commitment to them when I ask them to be a part of my team. 

1. I commit to work diligently to touch the lives of people for Jesus Christ

2. I commit to regularly let you know how God is blessing the ministry

3. I commit to be financially faithful with the funds given for my ministry. 

4. I commit to share prayer concerns, and praises, with one another.

Looking over the past 10 years of living paycheck to paycheck, I did not think that it was a responsible way of being financially faithful to my ministry partners, to my students, or to myself.  I wanted to learn how to spend, save, give, and use my money in a way pleasing to the Lord. After all, it is His money to begin with. My commitment to be financially faithful, led me to take Financial Peace University. I have been learning how to manage my money in a biblical way that I was never taught before.

Taking this class, I learned a lot about my spending. I typically spend a lot of my money on food. By learning about this behavior, I have discipline myself to only eating out if it is work related or a social meal with others. By doing this, I now have extra money to save for my emergency fund, or to upgrade my jeans that have holes! I also have considered a cheaper way of buying and storing groceries, without cutting healthy meals. This works for my ministry as well, since most of ministry and fellowship happens over a meal.

The class was taught by Dave Ramsey. When he talked about saving, he spent time telling the class about the differences between men's and women's view of savings. He said that men view it as cash that "is just sitting there" and women view it as more of a security blanket. I do not know if it is true for every person, but, now that I have my emergency fund in place, I feel more secure if something were to happen. More importantly, I now know how to save, and why it is important.

When I was a little girl, I thought that giving money is only something grown-ups with high paying jobs do. Until I started raising support, no one I knew talked about giving money or tithing. Throughout college and raising support, I learned that everyone is called to tithe and give. In fact, my financial givers are some of my best teachers for me in this area by giving generously and joyfully.

My nine-week class just ended last Sunday, and I feel much more equipped to budget. I have a solid plan in place to be proactive about spending, saving, and giving. With this plan, I will keep my commitment of being financially faithful with the funds given for my ministry.

Top 10 Things To Do With My Newsletter

I love writing my newsletters every month. It is a time to praise the Lord for what he is doing in my life and the lives I get to be a part of through my ministry partners generosity and prayers. The following is a list I gathered from others who have received my newsletter and told me what they do with it.

1. Toss it in the trash/Never open the email: Not everyone likes to read, or needs to know what is going on in my ministry to pray or give. I usually jut feel a little disconnected from them.

2. Only look at the pictures: More often than not, this is the usual. I put pictures in all my newsletter just so people can get a visual of what it is I am doing just in case they do not want to read it. I am working on incorporating more videos in my updates.

3. Read the whole newsletter, then throw it in the trash: This is also a usual go to for most people. I mean, at least it gets read and has served it's purpose.

4. Read the letter, pray, set it on the counter where all the other mail is: The women I talked to about this called it the "life is busy, pray now, deal with it later" model.

5. Homeschooling English reading: I have someone who had taught her child reading comprehension and other skills with all the missionaries letters her and her husband received. I thought it was a cool way not just to teach children to read, but to introduce them to ministry and teach them to pray.

6. Dinner Updates: There is a family that is always crazy busy but they like to read my newsletters and other missionary letters during dinner as a family. I thought it was a neat idea to be intentional and engaged with one another. It also makes me feel like I am a part of the family too!

7. Take it to the bathroom: OK, this one I got from a different missionary friend. Apparently, there was a single man who was always too busy or tired to read anything outside of work. So he would have his quiet time in the morning in the bathroom during his "toilet time" and when he got missionary letters he would take them in the bathroom for the next morning to read. Hey, whatever works!

8. Post them on your refrigerator/ hang them on a string: I always feel special when I am a part of someones kitchen or bedroom. It is also a good reminder to pray during that month, and a great conversation piece.

9. Read, File, Reflect: One of my partners, keeps all her missionaries letters in a file folder system. I think it is brilliant because if you ever want reflect or introduce someone to that missionary you are praying for or supporting, it is easy to be like, "hey, wanna see what they wrote about what God is doing in there ministry?" and wa-bam!

10. Share it with a friend: A few of my ministry partners will share it with their boss to ask if they would like to be a part of my ministry team, I have had people share it with friends who have children the same age as who I reach out to. Sometimes I will send out a special prayer card and they will make copies and share it with their small group. I always enjoy when others pray for my ministry.